This seems like a good way to end the year

Just because you haven't seen it in a long time.

Everybody hangs out

I have learned that Daryl Hall provides backing vocals on the 1984 INXS gem, "Original Sin."

I love it when awesome things get even more awesomer.

My brain is like the Jundland Wastes

Because you were all wondering, the Trivial Pursuit DVD Star Wars Saga Edition is not for the faint of heart or weak of mind. My husband purchased the game for me many months ago, receiving double Best Buy Reward Zone points in the process. Certainly, I thought, I should kick ass in this game. I can tell you all about Darth Bane. I made the assumption that my sister and brother-in-law would be formidable opponents, as the former thinks a lot about tauntauns and the latter spends hours playing Battlefront II.

So we settled in for a Christmas night showdown, pitting geeks against larger geeks against my father against my husband. And we were humbled. While some questions were embarrassingly easy -- "Which planet bakes under the heat of two suns?" -- others were nearly impossible, the answers of which apparently are only accessible to those who spend a lot of time in the Expanded Universe or at last year's San Diego Comic-Con International.

For example, Porkins. Who? Yet there he was, the answer to the "For the Win" question at the end of the game. I now understand that Lieutenant Jek Porkins was better known as Red Six at the Battle of Yavin, but, honestly, find me where they actually use his name in the film. And if you can do that, please explain to me how I am supposed to remember such a detail. Biggs Darklighter is one thing -- at least he used to spend a lot of time at Beggar's Canyon with Luke. But Porkins? Please.

I did win the game, with my father -- who has only seen Episode IV -- as my teammate. Part of my victory strategy was the awesome Trivial Pursuit innovation which allows other players to "steal" pies if a certain amount of time has passed and the player on the pie space has not correctly answered the DVD question. This leads to all sorts of fun scenarios in which you and three others simultaneously scream "DARTH SIDIOUS" or "KASHYYYK" at the television.

A word to the wise: if you are planning on playing this game, brush up on your Taun We, Admiral Piett, Moff Jerjerrod and Imperial probe droids. Even though the only path(s) to failure is/are fear, hatred and/or anger, the extra study can't hurt.

Anti-climactic

Dawna won The Apprentice: Martha Stewart.

Yawn.

It went something like this:

Martha [dispassionately, with less enthusiasm than a comatose Alexis Stewart]:

"Dawna, I'd like to offer you the position."

Dawna [with dismay at having to move "outside Boston" to work on body + soul]:

"Thank you."

And, scene.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Snack attack, motherfucker!

So I am snacking on some "Nacho Cheesier!" Doritos. The front of the little baggie is emblazoned with the news, "NOW BETTER TASTING!"

As if to say, "THESE USED TO TASTE LIKE ASS! BUT NOT ANYMORE!"

I thought I'd never love rap -- or SNL -- again

Finally, a rap video about Magnolia cupcakes, epic fantasies on film, pre-previews movie trivia, The Notebook and Google Maps. All my favorite things.

Between this and Amy Poehler's friendly Weekend Update reminder that there are only seven shopping days left until "holiday," Saturday Night Live hasn't looked this good since the heady days of the Sweeney Sisters.

Now *that's* reality television

I am so relieved that Martha Stewart thinks her Apprentice contestants are idiots.

Her judgment of them is not the surprising part, however -- of course a very serious perfectionist magnate like herself would have no room in her world for these morons.

What's really remarkable is that Martha speaks so candidly of the buffoonery. Girlfriend tells the truth. My favorite: when she says that she's "getting close to which of those inappropriate contestants we are actually going to have to hire." Like she can't even believe she has to go through with it. Don't look for Mark Burnett to be invited to Bedford for a game of Scrabble anytime soon.

Meanwhile, I can't imagine why she thinks they're inappropriate.

I'd like to be serious, just for a moment

Last Friday police in my small town of Hudson, Ohio, found the remains of two children who had been murdered by their father and buried somewhere along I-80. The father only gave minor clues about where he'd buried the kids before he committed suicide in jail. The poor mother not only lost her kids, but also was robbed of the chance to bury them and achieve some level of closure.

The children were found on wooded land just a few miles southwest of downtown Hudson. Yesterday there were reports that their mother would come to Hudson to collect their remains and get some of the closure she needs.

My cynical side is curious about whether the Hudson Police Department might better spend its time stopping strange men who seem to be burying children not far from large residential neighborhoods -- instead of stopping and checking the IDs of people who are walking on sidewalks at night (this has happened to five people I know in Hudson) or beating people up over picnic baskets. Of course I don't blame that New Hampshire father's psychosis on the Hudson Police, but the officers might simply consider sharpening their view of what constitutes truly menacing behavior.

My compassionate side has been wondering what Hudson can do to offer support to the mother when she comes here. She has rightly stated that she does not want her visit to have any media attention, and it is my hope that people heed her request. But surely there is something we can quietly and privately offer her in recognition of the fact that Hudson has been her kids' resting place for the past two years. Then I got an e-mail from my mother, who works in the Hudson City Schools. Teachers and support staff are pooling resources to contribute to the memorial fund that has been set up in the children's names (after checking with police to make sure her trip expenses were covered, which they are courtesy of the FBI and other sources).

I don't know why I feel so strongly about making sure that mother knows that Hudson is an OK place. It's not that I care about Hudson's image or anything, and I certainly don't expect that she'll ever think, Yes! Hudson! I love it there! Even though my kids were hastily and cruelly buried there through two harsh Ohio winters! I think it's because it might bring her some modicum of comfort to know that, after the horrifying end of their lives, however hideous and undignified, her children were buried in a community that cared, whether it knew it or not.

It just hit me

And I consider myself a hardcore INXS fan. Shame.

Earlier this week I expressed dismay over the title of the last track on the new INXS album, Switch. It's called "God's Top Ten," and I judged it as trite and cheesy, vehemently stating that Michael Hutchence deserved better.

This afternoon, I am sitting at my desk listening to Shabooh Shoobah and generally minding my own business. "Here Comes" plays, and the lyric in the third verse jumps out at me, calling attention to its existence and my stupidity:

Here comes my kamakazee [sic]
Here comes God's top ten
Nothing to be done to stop it
Nothing to get in its way

I've listened to Shabooh Shoobah no fewer than eight million times and I know every lyric, saxophone lick and growly sexy Hutchence moment like the back of my hand. But it totally passed me by that this lyric is the inspiration for the song about which I've been bitching.

I take it all back. Thank you, Andrew Farriss. I never should have doubted you, and I certainly should not be able to show my face around here anymore.

Maybe they should just promote receptionist Julia

So my prediction was wrong: Leslie is not going to be the winner of The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. And based on her awkwardness in last night’s episode, she does not deserve to be.

Problem is, none of the other remaining five candidates is particularly suited to the Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia gig. (Well, I suppose this is only problematic if you consider totally meaningless things that have no bearing on actual life to be problematic. Although I postulate that if you labor in the crafty trenches of MSLO, trying to paint all the wainscots at Skylands a delightful shade of “Bone Folder” by Martha Stewart for Sherwin-Williams before Alexis returns from a lesbian romp along the Maine coastline, you might be a little more invested in the outcome of an absurd television contest that will saddle you with another “executive” to whom you must report.)

I suppose Dawna is the frontrunner, but her forehead wrinkles still scare me. Jim remains an impossibility – his psychotic and inappropriate blabbering to MSLO CEO Susan Lyne about his “strategy” to eliminate the stronger players was a low point, even for a man who, in the same episode, got down on all fours and growled at the grill of an automobile. Marcela really does need better posture. Even I would have trouble hiring someone who slumped in her conference room chair like a spoiled fourth grader who didn’t get a pony for her birthday. Dios mio. Bethenny isn’t the sharpest spade in the Turkey Hill potting shed, even though you could use her severe jaw line to hoe around the heirloom tomato plants. And Ryan. “Recent law graduate” Ryan. My little nephew is a Gerber Graduate, and I'm sure he could've come up with something better than the "no valet necessary" concept to sell the Buick Lucerne.

The upshot: I don't know why I keep watching this show. Really, it is beyond me. The contestants are idiots. Martha, when not appearing via video, is grating, bored and annoying (must have something to do with the ankle bracelet). Alexis needs someone to stand behind her conference room chair and pull her string every so often, so she can start to say something only to trail off listlessly and allow her head to loll to one side. Charles needs to confront his oral fixation in a more direct and honest manner.

And me, I need to think more about Lost. Which will be easy to do because there are SIX BLASTED WEEKS until the next new episode airs on January 11, 2006. Curses.