Seething rage at Sur La Table

Husband and I were shopping for pleasing kitchen goods at Sur La Table the other night. I was enjoying wandering through the teetering shelves of copper cookware, dog-shaped ceramic chopstick holders, clay pots shaped like pigs and cowboy cookie cutters, which I will use to make dessert at my next Brokeback Mountain party. I was having a good time. So much to see! So much to consider! So much to purchase!

Then.

Halfway through my browsing, near the cookbook section, right near the Boos cutting boards, there she was. Her perky mug, grinning at me from the cover of a hardback book, where she's posing behind a "dish" like "hamburgers" that she made from a "recipe" in only "30 minutes." OK, fine, I can deal with Rachael Ray's cookbooks. I can deal with her television success. What I cannot countenance, however, is what was displayed right next to the book: RACHAEL RAY'S OWN BRANDED EXTRA-VIRGIN OLIVE OIL, "EVOO."
Rachael makes me irate because she has become wildly successful doing what any self-respecting home cook can do in her sleep. I mean, "Italian Grilled Cheese-n-Tomato"? How is that even a recipe?! It's grilled cheese!! (Insert righteous indignation here.) Yet she has 17.4 shows on the Food Network, her own magazine, awful catchphrases, a talk show that's starting in the fall and, now, her own line of olive oil! That she named "EVOO"!

To demonstrate my jealous fury, I am going to pick up as many bottles of "EVOO" as I possibly can and carry them across the store in an homage to Ms. Ray's daring ingredient transportation methods. Only I won't feel bad when I drop them all, the shards of her olive oil empire dashed to pieces on the Sur La Table floor.