It's a sexy thing

One day last week on Martha, during a wine-tasting segment with Lorraine Bracco, Martha firmly stated that she'd rather swallow than spit because "that's the kind of weekend it's been."

Then Martha described how her chow, Paw Paw, sleeps in her doorway each night, thereby preventing people [insinuation: men] from entering her bedroom, even when she would like to welcome them.

A few days later Linda Dano asked Martha if there were any men in her life. Martha's answer: "Many. Many."

Today, Martha told her studio audience that one of the 30 most important things you can know how to do well is make a bed; she wants people who get out of a bed in her house to be able to say, "that was a great bed." She then coyly told the cheering, lascivious audience something along the lines of, "I didn't necessarily mean my bed."

Then there's this, from Monday's Halloween episode in which Martha dressed up as Tarzan's Jane. She swung onto the set from a little platform by the kitchen:



One must wonder: was she wearing little shorts under that costume? If not, bitchin'. That's a lot of good-lookin' leg for a 64-year-old to bare on national morning television. And from that angle!

Finally, check out her Jane costume accessory -- a stuffed animal meant to portray Tarzan's chimpanzee, Cheetah. Cheetah got to cop a feel for two entire segments:


I challenge you to find better television.