Really, I don't have the clap, I swear

Today my fiance and I went to the County Probate Court to get our marriage license. It was pretty much what I expected -- filling out paperwork, paying a fee, waiting, noticing other couples doing the same thing, giving the mullouch to the skinny brides of said couples -- with one exception. Before we received the license itself, we had to raise our right hands and swear to the Probate Court lady that we were there of our own volition, we were not intoxicated, we were not first cousins, etc. Fine, pretty standard stuff. But then we had to swear that we did not have syphilis.

I struggled to keep a straight face, but nonetheless we completed the oath. On the way back to the car we discussed, why syphilis, specifically? Syphilis seems a disease of the past, more a problem for Meryl Streep in Out of Africa. Why no swearing that we didn't have some other, more "contemporary" disease?

According to the Centers for Disease Control, there were 32,871 new syphilis cases in 2002. To compare, the CDC estimates that about 40,000 people become infected with HIV each year. Now, to be fair, those numbers aren't that far apart. However, the number of new chlamydia cases in 2002 was 834,555; gonorrhea, 351,852. That's a lot of people riding tractors.

I demand equal time for all STDs. At the very least, it would have made for a way more entertaining afternoon if I had been made to stand there, right hand in the air, and swear that I didn't have chlamydia.